You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘asexuality’ category.
Here is a list of articles I have written recently for Asexual News
13 Myths And Misconceptions About Asexuality Part 1
13 Myths And Misconceptions About Asexuality Part 2
Biologist Blackbelt On Serious Queer Relationships, Marriage, Children, AOL Controversy And More
The Better Half: Asexual Husband and Asexual Wife
Representation is so important to creating asexual awareness. Chances are, if as an ace, one we’re to meet someone and reveal that they are “living without sexuality,” that will be the first interaction that person will have as an ace. The whole engineering of that person’s understanding of asexuality will be based on that one interaction. This is a astronomical quantity of pressure placed on the shoulders of the asexual in question.
Every asexual has characteristics about them that make them interesting outside of asexuality. It is best to reveal these features first before dropping the “A Bomb” and coming out as asexual. Who really wants to be known as “that asexual guy or gal” anyway. Being asexual should be the icing on the cake. Nobody’s going to hand out a gold medal to a persons declaring themselves asexual within one minute of meeting them. Believe me, I was hoping for that gold medal myself, but it just doesn’t happen in reality.
I have a very fortunate situation. My friends all know very well about my being asexual. When we meet a new group of people, eventually someone will ask about my status and one of my BFFs(I have multiple BFFs if that’s allowed) will bring up my asexuality, so I do not have to come out personally in most situations these days. This isn’t something that happened overnight. It took years for this luxury of being a known ace around town to occur.
When talking about asexuality, and I get asked about it a lot, I usually talk about what it means to me and how it shapes my life for a while before moving the conversation to the ace community. It has been very helpful being able to bring up the ace community when talking about the orientation because it let’s whoever I am speaking to understand that I am not some isolated freak of nature but rather a member of a growing group of freaks of nature.
In a few short months I have the honor of speaking on a panel comprised of asexuals at a large health fair being held in my city. People are coming from all over to be part of this and it will easily be the largest group I’ve ever spoken in front of about asexuality. I am confident in my ability to portray asexuality in a positive light and of my knowledge on the subject. All of my experiences thus far have prepared me well for this engagement. It is such a blessing to be able to use the gifts God have bestowed upon me to work towards the ace awareness that I am so passionate about.
Auditions for several asexual web series characters this Sunday …The Coffee Pit
This will be in Philadelphia Sunday 1/29. There are several asexual roles which suggests asexual storylines.
With the recent House leaving many ace feeling disappointed, this is an excellent opportunity for asexuality to become more understood in the entertainment industry. Asexual actors are encouraged to attend or contact the producer Billy Reil, whose contacts are listed at the tail of the information below.
The Coffee Pit
About
A collection of diverse individuals come together and open a new coffee shop called The Coffee pit.
Description
Clashing personalities strive to keep order at cafe. Customers make things difficult by their odd behavior and their habits of telling their friends the latest happenings in their lives.
Plot Outline
A Pro Wrestler from ECW opens hipster coffee house using unconventional tactics.
Auditions will be held on Sunday at The Philadelphia Acting Studio, 338 Brown St, 3rd floor.
Reil seeks non-union talent. The script calls for women between the ages of 18 and 40 and Men between the ages 25 and 40. Auditioning actors should bring a 2-3 minute monologue, a headshot, and resume with them. Actors chosen for the role will receive a credit in the series.
Contact Details
Name: Billy Reil
City, State, Zip: Philadelphia, PA, 19147.
Website: www.facebook.com/thecoffeepit
Email: billyreil1999@gmail.com
Phone: 6103333259
I’ve decided to start off 2012 by auditioning for Hot Pieces of Ace. The video is availble from this point onward.
In the latest episode of the Angry Video Game Nerd, the title character refers to two of the pixelated video game characters as “asexual twins”. James Rolfe(AVGN) did not elaborate on why he chose to use the word asexual to describe characters meant to be the Biblical Adam & Eve.
Rolfe produces and stars in the AVGN videos, reviews films and is in the process of creating his first film. The video in question can be viewed at Screw Attack.
The thing with romantic relationships is that they usually fail, and that’s not a pessimistic statement believe it not. “Fail” is really the wrong word here, but I’m using to illustrate the way most look at it. “Failed relationships” can yield many positive results. There are going to be a lot good memories to go along with the bad ones. As the saying goes “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. They can also be looked at as learning experiences about oneself and what one is actually seeking to be better prepared in what to look for in a partner and how to handle a relationship better the next time around. Even many marriages don’t work out, but those are actual failures because the concept of marriage is for it to be a permanent fixture. This is where a serial of relationships that didn’t work out can actually be helpful in leading to a successful marriage.
Mixed relationships between asexuals and sexual people often don’t work out as well, for a variety of reasons, but at the top of the list is the obvious one. Now, sexual couples often have varying sexual appetites, and this is a detriment to those relationships as well, but both partners have some level of need for sex with each other, so it’s somewhat easier to compromise as opposed to a mixed relationship. So why would a sexual person get into a relationship with an asexual to begin with? Hopefully, it is because there’s something much deeper than sexual attraction to the point of it being worth a try. Sometimes, however, the very idea of dating an asexual is the attraction in and of itself and this is the novelty of asexuality.
This has actually happened to me more than once, and by that I mean twice. These were both instances where the females knew going in that I was asexual. Of course, they would have had to have known that if the asexuality was one of the things about me they were attracted to. Both of these relationships didn’t work out and were rather brief. I can also honestly say that my asexuality was the prominent reason for the break up. The novelty of asexuality wore off and one of the very reasons the relationship began would turn out to be it’s very undoing. Or possibly it could be because I’m a total douche, but they knew that going is as well.
The first incident involves a girl I met briefly one night through a mutual friend who revealed I was asexual to her at the gate. Yes I was outed right there on the spot. We talked for a few minutes and then went our separate ways. To my surprise the next day she contacts me being very forward about wanting to date me. When I asked her why she told me she was intrigued by the asexuality thing and also we had Jesus and animals in common in addition of me being “attractive”. Her admiration of Jesus was different than mine however, hers was based on some notion of Jesus being the first feminist ever. To be frank I felt this could lead to a stimulating conversation or two, and I found her to be atheistically attractive as well. There was enough here to warrant spending more time with this person, and I was single and admired her directness so I agreed to give this a shot.
For the short time we were together, we spent nearly every night together, slept in the same bed and cuddled, but the sexual barrier would soon prove to be an issue. “So we’re just friends?” she asked, wanting to take things further than I was willing to go. She ended up taking this as rejection, which is wasn’t. I did compromise with some make out sessions, which I didn’t take part in begrudgingly, but this proved not to be enough to keep things going. The break-up was messy at first, but eventually it was agreed that we enjoyed each others’ company and would cherish our time together.
The second relationship was under totally different circumstances, it being some one I had previously known for awhile. This was a girl I hung out with a lot and we shared our deepest feelings with each other, so of course she knew about my asexuality and was rather fascinated by the concept. This wouldn’t prevent us from talking about sexual situations and she seemed to dig my unique perspective of it all. There was some playful teasing, you might even call it flirting, but mostly in a joking matter. Something then happened that would lead her to believe a relationship with me, an asexual, was a good idea.
Right before we started dating, she had just gotten out of a relationship with some dude, so it was a rebound thing. One of the issues with that relationship was that her boyfriend wanted sex at a much higher frequency than she did. I mentioned earlier that this kind of scenario is common, but this time it would prompt the woman involved to desire to date me for my asexuality. I already had a crush on her, so this wasn’t a tough sell for me in the least. The idea of not having to worry about sex being the pillar of the relationship was appealing to her, and who better to date than an asexual.
Now dating, we put in more time together and they was physical touch and embracing. It only lasted a few weeks, but we never fought and the asexuality thing was never an issue. She would go back to the original boyfriend, though that only lasted a few months from that point. I’d like to believe if I were to have compromised and had sex with her, she would have stayed with me. Today we are closer than ever and still joke about the time we dated.
Concerning asexuality as a novelty, I feel this is going to happen with a girl going after a guy more often than the other way around. I also feel that these mixed relationships do have a chance of lasting, and in fact this has happened many times. The image of being with an asexual romantically has a certain appeal to many sexuals and perhaps the rarity of it is what makes it such a trophy.
I feel the need to coin a phrase for those sexuals who seek to date asexuals and the best that I’ve come up with is an “acecrusher”, which has a dual meaning. Firstly that they are crushing on aces. Secondly, after he novelty wears off they often leave the asexual crushed. So in closing, beware of the acecrushers.
So today on the cover of one of my city’s newspapers The Daily News, there was a headline entitled Flower Show “Porn”. This intrigued me as to what in blue hell that could possibly mean, so yes I just had to read on. Has The Philadelphia International Flower Show, America’s longest running indoor flower show dating back to 1929 possibly incorporated pornography into the show. Seems unnecessary as a quarter million people shell out up to $30 for admission, although that’s just for the superfans who can’t wait and need to get in opening day for a show that lasts for a full week.
The article is online here for those curious. I warn you this is NOT SAFE FOR WORK…totally kidding of course, the first bit of it…
That’s so Ace and and it brings a smile to my face and I just had to share this with you all. That’s not even taking into account that flowers are asexual to begin with. Thank you Becky Batcha for writing this piece, may you have a “flourishing” career in that up and coming newspaper industry. I’ll assume you’ll see this soon because i know you bing or google yourself all night long! Other then that I leave you all with this asexy video and for the record my favorite flora is the bird of paradise, so exotic…
After a six month hiatus due to lack of computer access it’s good to return to the internets. Before moving forward I’ll be writing an article that I promised back then featuring characters from The Sopranos.
The relevant footage begins in episode 5 of season 1 entitled College, where Tony Soprano is away in Maine with daughter Meadow to check out a suitable college. Back in North Jersey Tony’s wife, Carmela is alone for the night until Father Phil Intintola, played by Paul Schulze, is at the door. Carmela runs to the bathroom to fix herself up a little before answering the door on a stormy night.
Father Phil reveals he is jonesing for some of Carmela’s baked ziti, which she offers to prepare, along with offering Father Phil some wine, chianti to be exact. The priest lights a fie, setting a romantic atmosphere, and sits on the couch with Carmela. Later they are in the kitchen and Carmela receives a call from Doctor Jennifer Melfi, her husband’s psychiatrist. While Carmela was aware that Tony was seeing a psychiatrist, her husband left out the face that the doctor he had been seeing was a woman, which troubled Carmela. Father Phil, from behind, puts his hand on her should to comfort her.
Next they are eating, drinking a conversing Catholicism in the living room, and then Father Phil announces that it is time for him to leave. With the rainstorm still going on, Carmela coaxes him to stay, offering to watch Remains of the Day, a romantic drama with him. Father Phil responds “Anything with Emma Thompson in it”, to which Carmela responds “Father Phil, I didn’t know you looked”. The retort by Father Phil would then be “To take in through the eyes a beautiful woman, is that so different than a sunset, or a douglas fir, or any of God’s handiwork?”.
That last line by the priest is something that many asexuals would agree with, myself included. He clearly finds the opposite sex attractive, although not necessarily in the sexual way that his worldly counterparts would.
Next up, they are watching the movies, sitting shoulder to shoulder. Father Phil has his arm on his leg, body language that I feel is a subconscious acknowledgment to the connection going on between himself and Carmela. It’s as if he is guarding himself from the possibility it going any further. Carmela becomes emotionally overwhelmed by the film they are watching and needs to have it turned off, after which Father Phil, hand on her knee suggests that he can hear a confession from her. She agrees and takes part in that sacrament. Then, with her sins being absolved and her being clean of soul, another sacrament, Communion is taken, after which they embrace in a hug.
This leads to them both sitting on the floor, very close, dozing off while seemingly cuddling. They come to, and share a moment, in which they are looking at each other and seemingly about to kiss. Father Phil then runs off to the bathroom, sick from having too much wine. He winds up crashing on the couch, having spent the night. When he awakes he approaches Carmela in the kitchen to talk about the previous night. “Last night we didn’t do anything out of line” he said, which would indicate that possibly it was just the opposite. He was concerned that his car was parked outside in plain sight, as him spending the night alone with a woman was suspicious regardless.
With Father Phil gone, Tony arrives home and he senses “Father Jughead” had been there from the entire tray of ziti being gone. Carmela confirms this and tells Tony he spent the night, which shocks Tony. Mr. Soprano begins interrogating his wife about why the priest spent the night which is when she brings up that she has learned that his therapist is a woman, turning the tables on the situation which puts Tony on the defensive as the episode ends.
In the following episode, Pax Soprana, Carmela visits the church to see Father Phil to discuss her disdain of Tony’s female therapist. She reveals that she was never intimidated by Tony’s gumats, which is a term used the mafia for a girlfriend, as they were no threat and she considered them nothing more that a form of masturbation for her husband. Dr. Melfi however she was intimidated by, and even though Tony wasn’t having sex with her she still felt “cheated on” in regards to the situation. Her husband actually having sex with other women didn’t compare with him confiding his deepest feelings with a woman other than her. This illustrates that the asexual part of her relationship with Tony was more important to her than the sexual side. The parallel relation she had with Father Phil was quite similar, although there’s no denying the night they shared in the previous episode had romantic undertones. Both Tony and Carmlla were having relationships with other people that contained no sex, yet it disturbed them both notwithstanding. By the end of the episode Tony and Carmela would reconcile, admitting she had been jealous but encouraging her husband to continue therapy.
In the final episode of season 1, I Dream of Jeannie Cusamano, the plot between Father Phil and Carmela continues with him walking into a restaurant when she is dining with Rosalie Aprielle, another mob wife. He sits with them and and he and Ro discuss the watch he was wearing, which she had given him. He puts his hand on hers, a romantic gesture, as Carmela looks on with uneasiness.
Later, Carmela shows up at the church with a bowl of pasta for Father Phil, only to see that he is already enjoying some with Rosalie Aprielle. This causes he to leave the church before even being noticed by them. It is clear she she has a problem with Father Phil having this “relationship” with another woman other than her.
Arriving home later on to find Father Phil there, Carmela’s attitude towards him has changed. She is very frigid with him as he tried to maneuver another “date” with her as he brought the movie One True Thing. When he confronts her about her attitude towards him she does not hold back saying “I think you like the whiff of sexuality that never goes anyplace; I think you have the M.O. Where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women and I think a lot of it is tied up with food somehow along with the sexual tension game.” This leads Father Phil to leave the house and in later episodes there is awkwardness between the two.
Taking this all in it can be said that this was never intended to be an asexual storyline. There are however points we can draw upon within it that does include asexuality. The comparison that Father Phil makes to the beauty of the female body with other phenomenons within nature is a clear indication that he is might be asexual. Also obvious is that there is a connection between the priest and Carmela that goes beyond being platonic. This is evident throughout the entire saga but even more so in Carmela’s response to Father Phil having this same connection with another woman. Her line in the last paragraph unravels questions about whether she understands asexuality as a concept or does not. However, it does illustrate that she gets Father Phil’s fondness of romance without sex.
There is actually another character that appears in later seasons of this show that I am planning to do a future article on that deals with a position that asexuals may find themselves in when in a relationship in regards to how friends respect the situation. I won’t writing that one for awhile as I figure it would be a good idea to space it out and move onto other topics for the time being.
Asexual Love 