The thing with romantic relationships is that they usually fail, and that’s not a pessimistic statement believe it not. “Fail” is really the wrong word here, but I’m using to illustrate the way most look at it. “Failed relationships” can yield many positive results. There are going to be a lot good memories to go along with the bad ones. As the saying goes “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. They can also be looked at as learning experiences about oneself and what one is actually seeking to be better prepared in what to look for in a partner and how to handle a relationship better the next time around. Even many marriages don’t work out, but those are actual failures because the concept of marriage is for it to be a permanent fixture. This is where a serial of relationships that didn’t work out can actually be helpful in leading to a successful marriage.

Mixed relationships between asexuals and sexual people often don’t work out as well, for a variety of reasons, but at the top of the list is the obvious one. Now, sexual couples often have varying sexual appetites, and this is a detriment to those relationships as well, but both partners have some level of need for sex with each other, so it’s somewhat easier to compromise as opposed to a mixed relationship. So why would a sexual person get into a relationship with an asexual to begin with? Hopefully, it is because there’s something much deeper than sexual attraction to the point of it being worth a try. Sometimes, however, the very idea of dating an asexual is the attraction in and of itself and this is the novelty of asexuality.

This has actually happened to me more than once, and by that I mean twice. These were both instances where the females knew going in that I was asexual. Of course, they would have had to have known that if the asexuality was one of the things about me they were attracted to. Both of these relationships didn’t work out and were rather brief. I can also honestly say that my asexuality was the prominent reason for the break up. The novelty of asexuality wore off and one of the very reasons the relationship began would turn out to be it’s very undoing. Or possibly it could be because I’m a total douche, but they knew that going is as well.

The first incident involves a girl I met briefly one night through a mutual friend who revealed I was asexual to her at the gate. Yes I was outed right there on the spot. We talked for a few minutes and then went our separate ways. To my surprise the next day she contacts me being very forward about wanting to date me. When I asked her why she told me she was intrigued by the asexuality thing and also we had Jesus and animals in common in addition of me being “attractive”. Her admiration of Jesus was different than mine however, hers was based on some notion of Jesus being the first feminist ever. To be frank I felt this could lead to a stimulating conversation or two, and I found her to be atheistically attractive as well. There was enough here to warrant spending more time with this person, and I was single and admired her directness so I agreed to give this a shot.

For the short time we were together, we spent nearly every night together, slept in the same bed and cuddled, but the sexual barrier would soon prove to be an issue. “So we’re just friends?” she asked, wanting to take things further than I was willing to go. She ended up taking this as rejection, which is wasn’t. I did compromise with some make out sessions, which I didn’t take part in begrudgingly, but this proved not to be enough to keep things going. The break-up was messy at first, but eventually it was agreed that we enjoyed each others’ company and would cherish our time together.

The second relationship was under totally different circumstances, it being some one I had previously known for awhile. This was a girl I hung out with a lot and we shared our deepest feelings with each other, so of course she knew about my asexuality and was rather fascinated by the concept. This wouldn’t prevent us from talking about sexual situations and she seemed to dig my unique perspective of it all. There was some playful teasing, you might even call it flirting, but mostly in a joking matter. Something then happened that would lead her to believe a relationship with me, an asexual, was a good idea.

Right before we started dating, she had just gotten out of a relationship with some dude, so it was a rebound thing. One of the issues with that relationship was that her boyfriend wanted sex at a much higher frequency than she did. I mentioned earlier that this kind of scenario is common, but this time it would prompt the woman involved to desire to date me for my asexuality. I already had a crush on her, so this wasn’t a tough sell for me in the least. The idea of not having to worry about sex being the pillar of the relationship was appealing to her, and who better to date than an asexual.

Now dating, we put in more time together and they was physical touch and embracing. It only lasted a few weeks, but we never fought and the asexuality thing was never an issue. She would go back to the original boyfriend, though that only lasted a few months from that point. I’d like to believe if I were to have compromised and had sex with her, she would have stayed with me. Today we are closer than ever and still joke about the time we dated.

Concerning asexuality as a novelty, I feel this is going to happen with a girl going after a guy more often than the other way around. I also feel that these mixed relationships do have a chance of lasting, and in fact this has happened many times. The image of being with an asexual romantically has a certain appeal to many sexuals and perhaps the rarity of it is what makes it such a trophy.

I feel the need to coin a phrase for those sexuals who seek to date asexuals and the best that I’ve come up with is an “acecrusher”, which has a dual meaning. Firstly that they are crushing on aces. Secondly, after he novelty wears off they often leave the asexual crushed. So in closing, beware of the acecrushers.