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In a recent advice column Savage Love, there was a positive response to a seemingly asexual couple. This is a column that is in syndication to weekly newspapers across the country with a heavy following, so it’s good exposure. Asexuality has been mentioned before in this column, but because this is recent, the latest as of “press time” in fact. I feel the responsibility to do a cut and paste job here, along with doing commentary because I don’t feel that nonsexual people would come across the column, even though I have been for a long time. So by isolating the one particular Q&A, those who don’t want to read the entire column are free from that . Anyway here is the situation that a reader wanted advice about from the columnist, Dan Savage about.

In a recent column you wrote, “If you’re not having sex with your boyfriend, or anyone else, and there’s no sex in your foreseeable future, ANB, that’s not monogamy—that’s celibacy.” I have been with my girlfriend for nine years, living together for seven. We have never had sex. At the beginning we fooled around a lot, but never went far. Now, like many couples who have been together for a while, the frequency has decreased. We go beyond kissing a few times a year, and never all that far. I am mostly okay with this: I take care of myself as necessary. We never talk about sex at all. We’ve moved back and forth across the country together and are otherwise committed. Is it ridiculous to leave sex out of the relationship?

Sexless And Seemingly Content

The couple seems asexual to me, though they obviously don’t know that there are others like them out there and that there is a lifestyle called Asexuality. The man that is asking for advice probably wouldn’t have written Savage had he known of Asexuality. While many of us experience an amazing liberation when we discover Asexuality, we also find difficulty finding an asexual partner. This situation is inverted with Asexuality as a lifestyle being unknown, while they have already both found an asexual partner in each other. I wonder how they would feel to learn of Asexuality together. Not only would they both feel the liberation asexuals like myself have felt, they would have someone to share it with that they already have a deep emotional bond with. Let’s see what Dan has to say and hopefully I didn’t outshine him…

If you’re happy and your girlfriend’s happy, SASC, then I’m happy. Two people in a bad relationship can have plenty of great sex; two people in a great relationship can have little sex or no sex. Sex is a metric for assessing the health of a relationship, but it’s not the only one. When two people come together who love each other and are compatible sexually—which can mean a shared interest in sex or a shared disinterest in sex—the angels sing, SASC. All that matters, again, is that you’re both happy.

This is well put and reassuring, although it would have been helpful for it to be mentioned that there is an asexual community as the columnist definitely is aware of it as he’s covered it before had even had at least one guest columnist who identified as asexual. Dan Savage continues…

But are you happy, SASC? You say that you are, and I’ll take your word for it, but there’s a lot of wiggle room in the “mostly” in this sentence: “I am mostly okay with this.” You owe it to yourself to determine if you are really and truly okay with living without sex—and if the girlfriend is too.

While this isn’t bad advice as it is crucial to value and understand the other person in a relationship as much as possible, I sense a little doubt from Dan that a couple could be happy living this way, but I really can’t get upset for someone giving advice that he was solicited for in an advice column that I may or may not choose to read. I believe that SASC was simply looking for validation of his lifestyle with his girlfriend, and instead of steering them and anyone else reading in the direction of the asexual community, he choose not to even mention Asexuality at all. I’m simply disappointed at the route the columnist chose to take, although I am thankful for the question making it to print and the reaction being “mostly” positive.


In conversations with other ace, it is realized that there are certain fascinations that we have that the rest of the world does not. One of the fascinations that I’ve noticed is that of writing utensils, and it’s one I can very easily relate to. When I find myself having to use a pen that I am not in love with, I feel that I am somehow missing out of the quiddity of the writing experience. In fact I’ve been known to carry around many pens because I never know which one I’ll be in the mood to use. Ballpoint, roller-gel and even fountain pens are all within my arsenal of ink-pens

I wish I could introduce you to my entire tribe of pens, but it would be too exhausting for both myself and anyone who had to read it so I’m not going to be taking that route. Instead I’m choosing to put one single pen in the spotlight, and that beauty is known as the Plumix. Manufactured by Pilot this fountain pen appears to be marketed towards college students. Most fountain pens are not designed to appeal the youthful, and I had to snatch a few of these right up.

Loading the ink cartridges is more fun than should be allowed, and I cannot wait until the next refill. It features a screw on cap, which protects it from falling off and being lost forever.plumix The sleek, ergonomic design and transparent body make for an absolutely stunning writing utensil. It doesn’t take very long to get used to writing with the Plumix, and it’s every pen-stroke is satisfying beyond imagination.

The bad news is this pen has been discontinued by Pilot, so if anyone is blessed with the opportunity to procure this marvel of the ages realize that it may your last.

I’m taking this opportunity to recognize Pentecost Sunday, celebrating the beginning  of the Christian Church by the coming of the Holy Spirit, which has been changing hearts ever since. For those unfamiliar with the celebration, here is a passage describing it’s roots. It must be noted that the apostle Paul is extremely likely to have been asexual, as evident in the epistles he wrote.

Acts 2

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. They saw what seemed toPentecost be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. Utterly amazed, they asked: “Are not all these men who are speaking Galileans? Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism Cretans and Arabs—we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!” Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, “What does this mean?” Some, however, made fun of them and said, “They have had too much wine”

Hoping those that welcome the Holy Spirit are filled with it abundantly today!

I’m actually going to write about sports. I’ve never been heavy into sports, and for the most point found them a tremendous waste of time. I’ve recently became a fan of a sport that is perfect for asexuality, and that sport is American as apple pie. I’m talking about baseball.

I have a pretty good reason to be a baseball fan being from the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia. Home of the current World Series Champions! Believe it or not I did not watch the Jimmy Rollins and the Phillies in the World Series, nor did I party in the streets after they won the series. I wasn’t even at the parade. The Phillies victorious season was long overdue, but this epic win did not turn me on to the sport of baseball. I didn’t become a fan until this year.

So what would cause someone to become a fan of a sport if the hometeam taking the big one will not. The way I see it the Phillies could be champions time and time again but some events can undeniably happen only once in history. I’m talking about Harry the K! Harry Kalas, the voice of the Phillies Harry_Kalas__the_voice_by_Elmira8988for my entire lifetime and then some only dies once. Harry was bigger than the team, bigger than baseball really, and died suddenly in the doing what he loved.I made sure to buy tickets to the tribute game as soon as his passing was announced and I’ve been a fan ever since.

Now what does baseball have to do with asexuality? The answer is not very much. I simply feel that asexuals would enjoy baseball over other major sports like football, hockey and basketball. Football is a sport that attracts fans that tend to be extremely overzealous about their particular team. Fans going to NFL games are not received warmly if they sport the opposing team’s jersey, at least not here in Philly where these rogues have been intimidated by the hometown’s fans. Sometimes the jersey is physically removed from the offender by rabid diehards. Football is sexual aggression.

Hockey isn’t much different than football when it comes to the fervor of the fans, however there is the added bonus of frequent fist fights. This is both on the ice as well as in the stands. Basketball? Forget about it!

I know I’m not mentioning soccer, which I respect as the world’s leading sport, but it is not very big in the USA. I know I have readers from Europe and other places across the world and I just felt the need to explain why I didn’t consider soccer. It’s popularity is growing here but it’s not yet a major sport.

Baseball on the other hand is USA’s national pastime, or at least is officially. Football is probably a better sport to represent my country’s current population. Unlike football, baseball fans are tolerant of fans coming to cheer on the visiting team. There may even be some good-natured trash talk going back and forth.

There are many asexuals who are into video games, particularly RPG’s. Baseball, unlike any other sport I know other than rounders, shares a similar gameplay to titles like Final Fantasy and Ultima. In these games members of the party are sent out into battle one by one, each with different attributes. In baseball batters are sent out one by one as well, each player also with different attributes. In both RPGs and baseball, strategy is important in the order that players will take in the “lineup”.

Those are my thoughts on baseball as the perfect sport for asexuality. Thanks for being here!

A bit about myself….I feel it’s necessary to be a revolutionary in everything I do, so be ready for that. Many of my views are based upon religion being reconciled with science, and I’m quite critical of both. My mind is always open, which does nothing but strengthen my beliefs as they are tested like gold against fire. I am not a judgmental person, as I am not to endure the burden of judging my fellow man. I request, though I would never demand, that y’all don’t get snippy when I don’t agree with you 638598% or even just 100%. Get snippy if you want, it’s just a figure of speech really. There’s room for snippiness. There’s room for everything.

So on to the orientation, which begins ironically with the dissection of a word called orientation. The etymology simply means “The East”, which is why I suppose the Old World would refer to anything east of it to be known as “The Orient” or “The Land of the Rising Sun”.

Later in history, the word came to mean to facing east and goes a little later to have certain bearings pertaining to oneself. Of all the definitions, the one that makes the most sense in this instance is to familiarize with new surroundings, which is what I’ll be doing in this initial message. And the surroundings are not new at all, it’s the perception that we experience that is unfamiliar.

I identify as asexual. I am asked is it a choice? It’s deeper than that. Would it really matter either way?

To ask if it is a choice, I would compare to personal taste in music or food. Sure I have a preference, some edibles are more delicious than others, some music I just feel more, however I feel that the mind can be trained in these cases. It is a choice in that respect, albeit an indirect one.

What about this question in regards to spirituality? That is a feeling and conviction that cannot be chosen, at least in my own personal spirituality. I couldn’t go shopping online and choose a new set of beliefs. I could introduce myself to opposing beliefs to challenge my current notion of reality, in fact I have already been doing that for some time already. Gold and fire!

So what’s my description of asexuality? It has to do with lack of sexual attraction, asexuals do not experience it. Many will not understand asexuality, to this patience is a virtue. There will be misconceptions about asexuals. There is an impressive community on the world-wide-web, and real world communities are beginning to form as well. What an exciting time to be an asexual!

Not much is known about asexuality, but one thing that is known is that at least 1% of the population identify as asexual, that’s at least 68 million people worldwide. It’s a much ignored demographic, but that landscape is rapidly changing. There continues to be growing media interest on the subject, and it is important for it to become observable on greater platforms. The asexual population exists everywhere, it simply need to be united. Getting the ball rolling has been the hardest park, and now that there’s momentum the opportunity to capitalize has arrived. This isn’t a one-person event. The efforts of many driven on unity is a force that cannot be stopped without great reinforcements. Humans are the greatest resource, and individual skills vary from person to person, so everyone has unique tools to empower themselves and others. For now, I bid farewell, with promise to return with more of my thoughts and musings. I want to take the time to thank everybody for reading this message. It means a lot.